Hello everyone. I have been divorced now for 4 years. I was divorced in the state of Oklahoma and my ex-wife lives in Texas.
I recently was granted full custody of both children and she was ordered to pay child support which she refuses to do. This past week, I was served via certified mail divorce papers. My ex-wife is divorcing me again!! I don’t understand how she is able to do this considering we are already divorced and have been for 4+ years.
I am a full time student and not able to afford an attorney and Legal Aid doesn’t handle divorces. Should I contact her attorney myself and see what is going on or hire an attorney and pay out the wazoo just to figure out why I am being served divorce papers?
Those are good questions… the issues involving us does require a precise summary (perhaps someone will volunteer to review and recap the last messages… 😉
Regarding the recent Presidential Elections, I would like to highlight part of the joint statement issued by US Supreme Court Justices Stephen Breyer, John Paul Stevens, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg on 13 December 2000:
“It is confidence in the men and women who administer the judicial system that is the true backbone of the rule of law. Time will one day heal the wound to that confidence that will be inflicted by today’s decision [reversing the Florida Supreme Court decision to order a manual recount of ballots].
One thing, however, is certain. Although we may never know with complete certainty the identity of the winner of this year’s presidential election, THE IDENTITY OF THE LOSER IS PERFECTLY CLEAR. IT IS THE NATION’S CONFIDENCE IN THE judge AS AN IMPARTIAL GUARDIAN OF THE RULE OF LAW.”
[emphasis in capital letters added]
So the election brings to the forefront the issues of JUDGES. We, fathers, have lost our confidence, over many years, in those judges who have not upheld their duty as impartial guardians of the “best interest of the child,” so written in law but widely neglected in their court rulings.
As for fathers’ rights, my personal view is embodied in this quote:
“The issue here isn’t simply fathers’ rights or mothers’ rights but the right of children to have two parents actively involved in their lives.”
We must consider acting as advocates for the fundamental rights of children, first and foremost.
How about a letter writing campaign of a different type?
As most of you know, I’m as hard of father responsibility as I am promoting fathers rights.
I received a call this morning from a non-custodial mother. She is having problems with children’s father alienating the children from her. They live just four blocks apart on the same street, but he does not allow the children to visit her except on the court ordered days. He is also not providing her with the grade cards. Now, she called me for advise, and I did just that, as I would with a man. I said: “go hire a qualified and attorney. If you can’t afford it – apply for $1000 overnight loan, and still hire an attorney!” We have enough problems with mother doing this type of stuff. I think we should be holding men up to a higher standard. If for no other reason than to make the point that women’s groups don’t do the same thing.
I plan to write this father about his behavior and to ask that he promote the children having as frequent contact with the mother as is possible. Granted, she may have been doing something like this when she had custody, and I did not ask her if she did, but revenge is not right either.
Now, I don’t know if we should each send him a letter, or for me to send him any comments that persons would like to pass along. But, I think we should express our opinions to him. I would like to hear from you about my idea and if everyone wants it, I will post his address on here. I would be interest in seeing each of you would say to him. It would make an interesting item to get to reporters.
As to your ex quitting her job, Connecticut uses an earnings capacity rationale in setting child support. Under this argument, if the person is earning less than their earning capacity, child support is set at the level dictated by capacity, not by current earnings.
You need to show that she quit to avoid paying child support. I can expound on this later but basically, unless it was the world’s worst job, she’s gonna need a real good excuse for quitting at about the same time she lost custody.
As for your second issue – the arrearage vs. the child support, the big question is whether the judge’s decision is based upon statute. If the decision not to credit the child care payment against the back award is grounded in statute, courts will be very reluctant to make policy.
As a practical matter, why don’t you trade off the arrearage of $28,000 against what you are trying to get out of the ex? Maybe she would agree to drop the demand for the $28,000 in return for your not asking for support.
As some of you may know, I was for the fourth and final time awarded custody of my children this past October. We are almost on the middle of December and she has not given a penny on child support claiming that she is unemployed and therefore has no income. She quit her job and is now being supported by her Mom and Dad.
We go to court on February 9, 2017 to bring this to the Judge. Anyone knows of what the law says about this. Remember I am in Georgia.
Also, years ago, she, being the custodial parent was responsible for child care costs. She was constantly delinquent with these charges and the day care would ask me to please pay or they would have to remove the children from the school. I would go ahead and pay thinking about the children. Years after during the custody case I realized that I paid over $21,000.00 on child care through the years because I kept all cancelled checks.
Prior to filing for custody, my children lived with me for approximately 3 years. I told her I would not pay child support since I was providing everything for them (100%) and she agreed. Of course I made the mistake of not doing this on paper and legally so after the years I kept them she sewed me for 3 years of child support. Lets just say I owe her $28,000.00 and the fact that the children were with me does not matter since I did not have a signed and court approved document. I tried to use the $21,000.00 I paid for child care to reduce this amount but the law in GA says that those payment made for child care are considered gifts to my children.
I want to go to the highest court and change that law but of course I can’t afford the fight. Is there a way to do this without going bankrupt? Changing the law in Georgia provides a good precedent for other states and I the Judge the tried our case said very clearly that I had an excellent argument that could make a change on the law but that it was not his courts place to do this change.
“Deadbeat Dads Arrested Day After Thanksgiving” the headline read. It was a story about how Clay County (M0) had rounding up fathers owing child support. No mothers, just fathers, though mothers are twice as likely not to pay court ordered child support than fathers.
What is interesting about this is that I had received a call from a father in Stockton, California. He has been threatened with arrest unless he pays back welfare money his ex-wife has been receiving for their four children. He had not been paying child support for eleven years and didn’t think he needed to. He also did not believe that he owed any money now, but if he didn’t, he could be facing jail. And he did not want his children to think of their daddy being in jail. So, he began paying, up until this week, when he quit his job and applied for welfare himself.
Now, I imagine you must be thinking that this is clearly an example of a deadbeat dad. A man whose children’s mother has to collect welfare to get by. Well, you would be correct believing that she was on welfare to get by, but not to feed the children. You see, for the last eleven years, he has had custody of the children, while she received welfare AFDC payments on them. So, why doesn’t welfare punish her for welfare fraud? Because that would not get the money paid back, so they went after the father, attaching his paycheck for 55% of the gross amount.
As a result of this, he could no longer afford to feed his children, so he had to quit his job and file for welfare himself. Whether he will get it is another matter. Welfare is already paying out on the children.
So, in the eyes of the law and in reports on welfare reform, he is a deadbeat dad. Another father owing tens of thousands of dollars in child support payments, on children his has custody of. This is not an individual story. We receive several calls of this type every month. Mostly from fathers who are paying child support, even through the courts, only to learn that their children’s mother was on welfare and not reporting that she is getting child support. In every case, they go after the father, not the mother. One has to wonder how many of the dollars our government claims is owed welfare by so-called deadbeat dads, are from cases like this?
Please note that the National Organization for Women-Action Center has begun the process of challenging the non-profit status of any organization that opposes their agendas. Their first target is Jim Cook of the Joint Custody Association. Non-Profits are not allowed to spend more than 15% of the funding on lobbying efforts under IRS rules. If any of you are a member of a father’s group, that has a 501(c)(3) status, that you immediately review your activites to make sure that you are in keeping with IRS rules. It shoudl be noted that the National Congress for Fathers and Children will also be making the same request of all NOW chapters.
When available, we will post the list, and the IRS rule, so that other groups made do the same thing. Mind you, if you make these requests, they can charge you up to 25 cents per copy. But, you might consider writing your local newspaper. You can also send a note to Jim Cook, at the:
Joint Custody Assc.
10606 Wilkins Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90024
He is not email savey, so you will need to use snail mail. Just drop him a note. He is the original author of the joint custody laws in the US, and if you check the records of how the joint custody laws in your state were developed, you will likely find that Jim came to your state to testify.
NY State seems hell bent on inventing Dead Beat Parents. I filed a petition in Saratoga County, NY family court to inform the court that my 18 year old daughter no longer lives with her mother whom I was paying child support too. My daughter left home and decided to live with my parents. I bought her a car and she got herself a job and is going to college part time.
According to NY Law, under these circumstances, she is emancipated and child support ends. My ex-wife filed a counter petition asking for more money for support immediately after receiving the summons to appear in court. We appeared in court for trial 5 months later and the court decided to hear both petitions at the same time. I brought with me signed statements from my daughter and my parents testifying that what I was claiming was true.
When the Hearing Examiner brought up my petition which he did first, he asked my ex-wife where my daughter was living. My ex-wife just plain old lied and said that my daughter lived with her. The hearing examiner looked at me and said ” I dismiss your petition and support will continue.” I held up the 2 letters that I had and asked to present them to the court as evidence in support of my petition. He then yelled at me at the top of his lungs ” I said, The petition is dismissed and support continues!!!.” I then said “But sir, I have evidence!!” He said ” Your petition is dismissed, period!!” He then said, did you know that you owe a lot of back child support??. I replied “No”. He then said ” Looking at your income and going back 6 years, it looks to me like your support is going to be raised and you will owe a lot of back support.” I asked “How much?” He said I will mail you my judgment. He asked me if I have any closing comments.
I told him that the constitution guarantees me fair and equal treatment under the law and considering the fact that this court did not hear my petition and did hear my ex-wife’s petition is prima facte evidence of the court’s intent to deprive me of a fair hearing and intentionally disregard my constitutional rights. He then said. “Dismissed”. A few weeks later, I got the judgment in the mail. It raised my child support from $50 to $125 per week and also said that I was on time on the previous order of $50 per week however since my income went up and since the statute of limitations to collect a past due debt is 6 years the court tacked on another $13,000 of past due support.
I filed objections to the judgment and the Family Court Judge objected to my objections. So then I got a Lawyer and we filed an appeal to the Supreme Court. This court reversed the whole thing based on the fact that the Family Court never looked at my evidence or my Income for the past 6 years like they should have. My child support was stopped and my arrears was eliminated.
By the way if anyone in Saratoga County, NY is reading this, beware of these two people at Family Court. Hearing Examiner Arthur Spellman and Judge Courtnay W. Hall (he’s a male judge). These two guys are on one hell of a power trip and could give two snoots about your rights.
This is just one of the prices men pay when they choose to have sex with someone they are not married to first. The laws in most states are based around marriage in divorce. Single fathers are just a shadowy figure who owes child support. I tell this everyday to men who call me.
Somehow we think that just because the Constitution says equal treatment under the law means that everyone gets treated equally. That simply is not the case and that is something we should be thinking about when we drop our pants and stick our tools in someone’s tool box.
Under the current state of the laws, men should consider signing the contract and putting a ring on the woman’s finger, before we try to fit the tool int he toolbox. But, if the man simply cannot wait, than buy a wedding ring and put it over his tool, first. I can guarantee there will nto be any babies produced than. Or else, get a vasectomy. They’re cheap, painless, and reversible.
These adoption cases are virtually impossible to overturn, and those that have been take years, and only when the bio parents get married. Speaking of New York, we did a CBS 48-Hours segment a few years back, titled “Fathers Fighting Back.” One of the stories was about a NYC police officer whose ex-girlfriend put their child up for adoption. He tried unsuccessfully to get the adoption overturned.
In the New York Post front Head Line. Tug Of Love heartbreak. Dad wages custody battle for son he did’t know he had. If you think Family Court belongs to you, I am going to request that you read the article, 12-4-00. His girlfriend walked out on him and gave his son up for adoption and he went to Family Court to try to overturn the adoption.
In the article it states that unwed fathers are never able to reverse adoptions because the state law that we live on does not require we fathers are informed of adoptions proceedings. If you want to check out the article I think that you will be able to read it from the New York Post Website which is nypost.com. I think that we must begin a mens march against Family Court pertaining to our children.
According to our decree. I have first right of refusal,my ex works on Mondays and I don’t.The ironic thing is my ex works at a day care/learning center.
My daughter is enrolled in this day care/learning center. I asked her tonight if I could have our daughter on my day off because of the decree giving me first right of refusal. Her response was that was her time and she said no.
What can I do? Any one with ideas please help. Has anyone been in my shoes?
We were able to convince the Judge to speak with the children privately because of conflicting versions of what I was saying and what she was saying in court. One of us was lying (of course, she was), so about three or four times my lawyer pleaded with the Judge to please talk to the children. When you present it as we did, Talk to them privately, no parents, relatives, or lawyers in the room, and rule that any discussion with the children regarding their conversation with the Judge will be considered contempt of court, it is easy for the Judge to say, “why not?”.
Regarding the Psy exam, in my case my ex-wife took them to a Doctor who performed some Psy tests on them (written) and in 1.5 hours came up with conclusions from these tests. The children expressed to me that they were scared to say what they really wanted to say because they knew this doctor will tell Mom what they said.
I on the other hand took them to a doctor who just sat with them and talked PRIVATELY. They were aware that whatever they say was for them to get it out and not to make a report for Mom and Dad. They had a total of about 3 visits each.
This Psy was subpoenaed to appear in court and acted as my witness, the credibility of the other Psy was chattered in court.
ALWAYS do things with the mentality that you are doing it for your child and not for you. Any Judge would immediately realize that you put your children first and not yourself.
Set yourself for a fight- if your don’t want a ‘hired gun’ to do your fighting for you, prepare to hear the bullets whistle by your own head.
The *one thing* that you have to do is set yourself for a fight; you must see the outcome of the question as absolutely life threatening in terms of it’s significance in your future.
If a judge shows bias against you as a pro se litigant, you could report them to the appropriate grievance committee. If the opposing lawyer acts in an unethical manner, and it’s common, you may report them to the grievance committee. You can’t *make* an enemy, you already have one. Pushing the Grievances with follow-up letters with additional charges will cause them to become more and more unstable and they start to really screw up. Get it on the record- anything you file to the Grievance Committee, file into your Court folder- when it’s notarized, it becomes a ‘published’ document and anyone can take notice of it.
No one cares where the ax falls if their nuts aren’t on the chopping block.
I know a guy who has kept the whole thing up in the air for almost ten years. They’ve spent megahundreds of thousands of dollars, months/years of unbillable lawyer-time, weeks of unproductive court-time. Sometimes when he goes to court, there are six, eight and ten lawyers there in opposition. He’s utterly judgment proof- and if *he* wins, it will cost them a *lot* of money. He can keep throwing shots at them until they miss one. He’s utterly ‘right’, which makes it unthinkable that he would quit. They have his children, so he has reasons to keep on fighting and to have no reservations about who he goes after and by what legal means. The legal forms to file court process are widely available- support groups abound- legal study groups on specific areas of the law abound-filing is cheap, papers are cheap- some places you can file electronically- it’s possible to drop stuff off of the net, search and replace your name and information, file it for free or the cost of a stamp and envelope/just push the button and send it to the ClerkoftheCourt.
If it costs them $1000 for a lawyer to read and respond to each of your proper actions, they tend to be a bit more amenable to negotiation and concessions. Each action breeds more actions; if a lawyer wanted to do so, he could draw out questions interminably- proper research and an inquiring mind can look at the process in past cases and do the same application now.
If you can’t tape record have a reputable person (priest, therapist, etc.) listening in on an extension phone.
Have you had a chat with your parole officer? A good parole officer who knows your situation and knows that you are working to be a good citizen can be worth his/her weight in gold.
I was just reading an article on Parental Alienation Syndrome. The article was now out of NY but in essence, where one parent alienates the child from the non-custodial parent, some NY courts have terminated custody or reduced support. I do not know what state you are in but maybe an attorney can advise you on this where you are.